Wondering Who You Are by Sonya Lea

This is the second heartbreaking memoir I've read in a row. It's such a cliché, but it's truly amazing what people can live through and survive.

After twenty-three years of marriage, Sonya Lea's husband, Richard, was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of abdominal cancer. His internal organs were being overtaken by mucous-producing tumor cells and his prognosis was bleak. He decided to undergo an (at the time) experimental surgery. It was a surgery so complex, it was dubbed the MOAS by survivors, the Mother of All Surgeries. 

Unfortunately, during this surgery, things went very, very wrong and his stomach cavity filled up with liters of blood. When he woke up, Richard was not only physically less able, but due to the extreme blood loss, he developed a brain injury that cruelly made him lose his memories and identity. Not only does Richard not recognize the man he has become, his wife must reconcile the fact that the man he used to be - the man she fell in love with and built a life with - likely wouldn't fully return to his former self. 

The chapters start in alternating formats of the early love story between Sonya and Richard when they met and fell in love as teenagers with the years after the surgery to the present day after thirty or so years of marriage. It's a scathingly honest account of how Sonya comes to terms with her family's new normal. Her husband's personality has changed from smart, headstrong and hardworking to passive and agreeable. He tires easily and becomes reclusive. He must undergo a myriad of major rehabilitative therapies in order to try to restore some of his physical and mental abilities. In the meantime, his wife is mourning the former partner she had: the memories they shared, the unique experiences they had that formed them as a couple, and the years of bonding, discussions, and ups and downs that made them into who they each were individually as well as a couple. 

Initially, Sonya was full of resentment. She just wanted the man she loved with to rehabilitate back to his former self. She was angry at finding herself in the role of caretaker and grieving the physical relationship they'd formed as a couple. She was stressed out from a medical malpractice suit they filed and from taking on the brunt of the workload.

As she processed her feelings towards her husband's new state of being, she also started to question her own identity. Over the years, she slowly discovers the ways in which we imprint our own biases and points of view onto our memories and that with enough time and patience, it's possible to slowly rebuild and come to a place of acceptance and understanding. And sometimes, when enough time passes and where there's an abundance of empathy and love, a terrible tragedy can make us come out changed for the better on the other side.

Judge the cover: 5/5