Mistakes to Run With by Yasuko Thanh

Yasuko Thanh's story demonstrates in the most heartbreaking way what can happen to a life, to a soul when it isn't shown protective love or care. From a young age, and particularly after the birth of her brother, Yasuko was ignored. Her mother wanted nothing to do with her but doted on her brother, and her father, suddenly afflicted with a myriad of allergies and sensitivities, retreated to his bed.

At fifteen, she found the streets. She sold her body for money, for shelter, for food. She found couches to sleep on or sometimes the cold, hard streets themselves. She found friends, but the hazards of living life in the fast lane meant that these friends had issues of their own: many overdosed, moved onto the next city or died of AIDS. Yasuko herself was running away from a family who didn't care about her and towards people she thought did. She found solace in men who offered her what she thought was love. She was too young and inexperienced in life to know that a pimp is only out for himself. That a crackhead puts their addiction to crack above everything else, no matter what reassuring platitudes come out of his mouth. That a schizophrenic boyfriend whose increasingly frantic delusions weren't something she could help with on her own.

So she moved to different cities, even a different continent, to try to find peace within her broken soul, but eventually learned that it's impossible to outrun matters of the heart. Everything catches up eventually. The one thing that was truly a positive outlet for Yasuko was her writing. After giving up prostitution for good, she felt a compulsion to write. One habit replaced another. Unfortunately, as her writing career started gaining traction, her relationships continued imploding and she felt her body and mind attacking her already fragile sense of self.

Yasuko has a way with words that draws you into her story. I can only imagine the assumptions people on the gritty East Vancouver streets would have made of her on first glance - the six-inch stilettos, the dirty clothes, the marks on her body - never knowing that a beautiful garden of a mind resided under her tattered facade. It takes a certain amount of bravery to tell a story that doesn't fall within society's mainstream expectations, but it takes an equal amount of bravery to reveal a heart's deepest pain. Yasuko did both and after reading her story, I'm hopeful that she finds peace and happiness to replace all of the hurt she has endured so far.

Judge the cover: 4/5

Body Leaping Backward: Memoir of a Delinquent Childhood

Maureen Stanton was just fifteen when she got into angel dust. She was the middle child in a huge family that lived in the small town of Walpole, the most interesting fact of which seemed to be that it was home to Walpole Prison. Maureen's mother would warn her kids when they were growing up that if they didn't behave, they'd end up in behind bars there. 

The story of Maureen's drug dabbling didn't really get going until about fifty pages in. Up until then, she told stories of her fairly typical seventies childhood: riding bikes, swimming, hanging out with the neighbourhood kids. She always had a rebellious streak and spoke her mind, so it wasn't too surprising when she started experimenting with drugs in her early teenage years. Her parents split up and this, combined with the large number of siblings she had, allowed her to fly a bit under the radar. 

There were interesting elements, one being her straight-laced mother who ended up shoplifting, and stories of Maureen's childhood interspersed with infamous prisoners' stories from the Walpole Prison, like the Boston Strangler. Unfortunately, these stories dangled and then ultimately petered out. I found the same to be true of Maureen's own story. Yes, she had some interesting tales to tell, but they just felt as though they happened without much consequence. She never had an addiction so bad that she needed to go to rehab or struggled too hard to quit her drug habit. She never got in legal trouble. She barely even got in trouble from her parents. It all just basically took care of itself when she felt too introspective the final time she took angel dust and became depressed. I feel as though when publishing a memoir - particularly an addition-type memoir of which there are plenty out there - it helps to have an exceptional story to share. This one just fell a bit flat for me.

I generally read books fairly quickly but was away for a few days just after I'd started this book and didn't have as much time to read as I normally do. I just didn't feel a pull towards this one. My curiosity wasn't piqued as much as it usually is with this particular genre and I wasn't dying to know what happened next. That said, the quality of the writing was good and, more importantly, I'm extremely happy for the author's sake that she didn't have a harder time coming off the heavier drugs she took and didn't become another tragic statistic.

Judge the cover: 3/5

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo

If you were to summarize this book in one sentence, you might say this is a book about the sex lives of three women. But this book isn't nearly as surface-level as that. It's much more complex and, in many ways, it's not even about sex. The sex is secondary to the varied reasons why these women have such strong feelings towards their partners and how they are rarely fulfilled in their hearts and souls. Their extreme reliance on the partners in their lives becomes the prevailing focus. The affairs they participate in, the lack of resolution when it comes to their hearts, the sheer unhappiness that pervades is tangible. These women's stories are not salacious, they are actually sad and quite heartbreaking.

While there are certainly common aspects to each of the women's stories, the situations that propelled each of them into the present are unique. The outcomes that were formed from childhood circumstances, to the families they were born into, to situations that they engaged in, either willingly or by force, each shaped who these women are today.

Maggie was just seventeen when one of her high school teachers took advantage of and started a sexual relationship with her. Lina's story begins with her as an unhappily married woman whose only wish is for her husband to kiss her, which he refuses to do. Sloane is a wealthy restaurant owner whose husband gets off when she hooks up with other people, either with him present or not.

Each woman lives inside the questions their circumstances present them with. They have eating disorders and terrible self-esteem. They look to men to provide reassurance as they scratch at love. While the women fall hard and fast and seem to genuinely fall in love with the men they're pursuing, the men are using the women purely for their own selfish purposes and really have no intention of disrupting their own lives in order to give the women the stability and true love that they yearn for. Everything that happens within their relationships is on the men's terms. The women are always pining or trying to wish things into existence or wanting to get in touch with the men, but they are always limited by the men as to the specific rules they must follow. The women are always waiting, always ready to do anything for the men on a moment's notice, yet the men never reverse their strategies or reciprocate in the same way. To them, the women are convenient and subservient. Probably one of the most agonizing observations is that at most times, these women aren't blindsided by the men setting the ground rules - rather, they're fully aware that the men are pulling the strings and they are merely the puppets, yet their depth of yearning and wanting to feel loved is so strong they acquiesce to it all. While they all encounter doubts at some points along their journeys, the pull of a possible one-in-a-million fairy tale ending still feels frustratingly just out of their grasp, yet they can't bring themselves to stop reaching.

Each of these three women looks outside of herself for love and acceptance. They're all participating in affairs of some kind - either cheating on their own spouse or hooking up with others who are married. In each instance, the affairs cause the women interminable stress. They take up an abundance of mental energy and the constant gender imbalance further tears the women down.

Out of the three women, I felt the most engaged with Maggie's story. I think it's because she was so young and, because of that, things seems to happen to her rather than her being able to truly have an adult decision-making capability based on experience and knowledge. Her story wasn't so much about desire as it was about the power of a well-loved man over an innocent "troubled" girl and how that power play worked in everyone's favour but her own. Her chapters follow her from her high school days right through to the court case between her and her former teacher.

Style-wise, the women's chapters are written in an alternating format. I think I would have preferred to have each woman's story told as a whole in three complete parts, as I sometimes found it jarring or confusing to switch back and forth to different storylines and people. The revelations are so intense and gripping that it would have been easier to digest one person's story at a time, but that's just my personal preference.

I try not to read reviews before reading books myself, but in this instance, I read a few just to get a better idea of what the book might be about. I saw reviewers state that there isn't enough diversity, which really can't be disputed, but though their skin colour might be the same, I found the women's backgrounds, their ages and married status, as well as their stages in life quite diverse. I also saw quite a few statements along the lines of the author spent years with these women and it doesn't resolve enough or that there's no real analysis. Maybe I didn't dig deep enough, but for me, a lack of analysis wasn't such a missing component. These are the women's stories and I don't feel as though they require a conclusion. It's a book about how women in particular are perceived and judged harshly from the outside world - they are married, they have children, a home, a big car, nice hair - whatever the random markers are of supposed success - so they should be happy and stop complaining, stop whining. Be quiet. Be small. But outer appearances really don't tell any kind of accurate story. These three women found the courage speak up and to shine a bright white spotlight directly onto their hearts. They were some of a small number who were brave enough to share their histories, their desires, their traumas and shame without filters. They each let their innermost stories out into the world and I hope in doing so, they finally feel at least a little taste of freedom.

Judge the cover: 2/5

Supper Club by Lara Williams

Roberta is a lonely girl. She perches on the outer fringes of friendships and relationships and never quite knows how to fit in. That is, until she meets the enigmatic Stevie, a renegade artistic girl who takes Roberta under her wing and teaches her to try to be a little more fearless and to insert herself more confidently into her life. Together, they form the idea for Supper Club - evenings whereby a group of pre-interviewed girls who want to take up more space in the world and make themselves bigger eat large meals themed in different settings, rendering the act of eating into an artistic experiment.

The Supper Club evenings are carefully planned and start out as pretty elaborate affairs. The girls forage for food, cook elaborate feasts, indulge in various stimulants and then gorge on food and dance around, expressing themselves and forming bonds through food and consumption.

It's all a little outlandish, in my opinion, and I can't tell if the uniqueness of this book is brilliantly original or a little much. Lara Williams' writing reminded me a bit of Miranda July and Ottessa Moshfegh in its slightly offbeat theme. Some parts of the books come off as a little disjointed for me, in particular when it comes to Roberta's relationships. There is one with an older professor, which has some questionable moments, as well as an intimate relationship with a former roommate who, while he loves her, doesn't seem to fully embrace her completely and likewise, she to him. They appear to be constantly trying to find their footing with each other. The only time Roberta seems to exert herself fully is at Supper Club meetings, which her boyfriend really hates, as he thinks Stevie is a bad influence. He seems to feel excluded and ignored and though Roberta and her boyfriend seem to share a fairly comfortable existence, it's not always clear why they're together, as they never seem to be fully supportive of each other. Roberta hasn't had many opportunities for solid relationships throughout her life, so perhaps it makes sense that her relationship boundaries don't always feel as clear or seem to make as much sense as they might otherwise.

Another part of the story that didn't sit clearly with me is the relationship between Roberta's estranged father and her. She receives friendly letters from him on a fairly regular basis, and he's open to meeting up with her if ever she feels that's something she wants to do, but ultimately, I don't really see where this storyline was going. She doesn't seem to mind receiving the letters, so I can only presume that this character is included to show yet another area in which she doesn't have many stable males in her life, which perpetuates her apparent tightrope walk when it comes to how she relates to others and their feelings.

Ultimately, this is a novel that is centered around feminism, the power of collective female actions, and about what it means to reject traditional male ideals by consciously not trying to make oneself tiny and quiet and perfect in order to fit in. I'm not sure it necessarily ticked all of the boxes, but it was certainly a unique book. 

In the end, I find this book a hard one to rate. I didn't feel entirely engaged with Roberta's story or many of the characters, yet I was always interested to pick up the book and keep reading to find out how the various storylines would play out, so ultimately I'm giving it a middle-of-the-road 3.5/5 stars.

Judge the cover: 4/5

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Toby Fleishman is in trouble, or rather, his marriage is. After fifteen years together, he and his wife, Rachel, have decided to divorce. Now Toby’s phone is blowing up as he ventures into the world of dating apps. He never entered the online dating world before and, not being terribly popular with the ladies in his youth, he is mesmerized by all of the females who are now clamouring for his attention. 

In sharp contrast to the endless stream of female persuasiveness taking place on his phone are his two kids, perpetually annoyed Hannah (twelve) and easy-to-please Solly (eight). Toby’s officially single and solely in charge of the kids since Rachel has suddenly stepped away from her life and disappeared to god knows where. Her phone's going straight to voicemail, her assistant is useless, and there are small crumbs of evidence suggesting a new man in her life.

Toby is a doctor, currently vying for a well-earned promotion, and needs to untangle all of this, so he sends his kids to summer camp for a month. He steps into his role of sole parent with an earnest passion, all while cursing his now ex-wife for being such a selfish parent for abandoning her children without warning or explanation. When Toby and Rachel were still married and hurling insults, the worst one Toby launched was to tell Rachel that she was a terrible mother. Now she appears to be proving Toby right. She definitely seems to be living up to that reputation. What kind of mother just ups and leaves? What kind of mother puts herself above everyone else and removes herself sharply and completely from her kids' lives, leaving them to wonder if she'll ever come back? If she's dead or alive? Toby just wants to move on, to make his job and his kids his top priority and provide them with some stability.

Meanwhile, Rachel is gone. But where the hell is she? Why did she leave? How could a mother do this? 

There are always two sides to every story. And, interestingly, Rachel's side perhaps isn't quite as we're led to believe...

Judge the cover: 5/5