Elissa Wall grew up in the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) - a cult offshoot of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints - where the patriarchy reigned supreme. There are many terms and teachings that I'd never heard of prior to reading this book, but they are important to know in order to have a better understanding of the kind of life the author led.
The main differentiator of this branch of Mormonism is that they believe that plural marriage is necessary in order to gain admittance into heaven. These marriage arrangements supposedly come directly from God who uses an earthly prophet to be his mouthpiece. Because of this, the norm in this culture is to have a minimum of three wives per family and dozens of siblings, though many families have many more than three wives. Church members also believe the end of the world is near and that only the truest, most pure believers will be saved and go to heaven. They believe that on Judgment Day, there will be worldwide destruction and that God will lift the worthiest people off the earth while this devastation takes place, then be set back down to build Zion, "a place without sadness or pain". God will then join them there for a thousand years of peace. Every aspect of life is woven into this anticipated utopia.
This book is the memoir of Elissa Wall and tells the story of her upbringing through to early adulthood. Literally every aspect of Elissa's life and the others' in her community was controlled. "Worldly" clothes, haircuts, TV, the internet, and music were all banned, creating a closed off, very sheltered community. Racism, obedience and total allegiance to the male heads of the family was taught. One of the worst sins that could be committed was speaking with apostates - this term refers to anyone who left the church. Contact with these outsiders was strictly banned for fear of being influenced. Girls were taught to "keep sweet". This motto was described by one of Elissa's sisters in the following way: "Even when it hurts, you were to act happy. Even if you're uncomfortable. That was how you conquered the evil inside of you." And even though the men ruled over the women and children, they weren't entirely in the clear either. The ideal FLDS husband was called the "priesthood" and questioning the priesthood was considered the same as questioning God. If husbands couldn't control their wives and enforce their authority, their priesthood could be taken from them and their wives and families could immediately be taken away and reassigned to a new husband. They also had to tithe their salaries over to the prophet who also had control over their jobs and therefore their income levels.
A major turning point in the FLDS (and the author's life) came when Warren Jeffs, a former teacher and principal at an FLDS-only school, gradually took over the role of prophet from his ailing father, Rulon Jeffs. While the FLDS could be considered an extremist group under Rulon's rule, things took a turn for the worse under his son and became even more strict. Followers of the religion were taught and believed completely that when Rulon died, he would be brought back to earth. However, when Rulon died and was not in fact reincarnated, Warren wormed his way into the position and convinced the people that his father now spoke through him. He methodically inserted himself into this authoritative role by manipulating and brainwashing his followers. Slowly, as Warren Jeffs took over, he replaced the more traditional teachings of the faith with his own teachings. There were sermons that he recorded using his lulling monotonous voice onto cassettes that everyone was expected to listen to. These sermons were played both at school and in families' homes. When Warren was a teacher at the local school, everything had to be approved by him. Over time, world history was replaced with his doctrine and he rewrote the entire curriculum. He created further paranoia and fear as he encouraged neighbours to keep an eye on each other and report any wrongdoings to him. Because being reported could have such drastic consequences and everyone wanted to be deemed worthy and pure enough to be lifted to heaven when the apocalypse came, everyone was paranoid and wanted to further please Jeffs, only serving to reinforce his power over the people. It was clear now that they were fully under the influence at all times. Warren Jeffs was a master manipulator. It was under his rule that he started forcing minors to marry.
***REST OF REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS***
Elissa's early childhood, even under such a strict regiment, appeared to be fairly happy; however, as she got older, her family started to become increasingly fractured. Some of her older siblings were shunned for defiance and being too inquisitive and left the community. One of the most devastating blows came when her father lost his priesthood and her mother, along with Elissa and her remaining siblings were immediately reassigned to another family, meaning her mother was told to marry another man and they merged with this new family.
But the worst time in her life was when she was ordered at age fourteen to marry her first cousin, Allen, who was nineteen. As if it weren't bad enough that she was told she had to be a child bride and that the marriage would be illegal as well as immoral, she has always hated this particular cousin. He used to tease her when she was younger and she found him repulsive. She was literally begging from the moment she was assigned to marry her cousin up until the day of - and even during the ceremony itself - to not be forced into this marriage. Every plea of hers was met with denial. She had no choice and no way out. She literally couldn't have done more to voice her resistance to this order and it was heartbreaking to read about this helpless child having to go through with the marriage against her will. Her wedding day was the absolute worst day of her life. She cried for days on end and by the time the day came, she was so distressed that she could barely manage to voice the marriage vows expected of her.
The marriage was doomed from the get-go. We learn that from an early age, girls are told to view boys "as snakes" - contact of any kind is forbidden and couples don't even date before marriage. They have no word for sex in the FLDS and girls aren't taught anything about the topic. Imagine - they have to view the opposite sex as snakes and then on the turn of a dime, as soon as they're forced into an arranged marriage they are all of a sudden expected to expected to "go forth and multiply" - be intimate and produce a swarm of children. It was clear that Elissa had no idea about sex and wasn't ready for it - a fact that she clearly voiced to Allen, but as he was taught that she needed to obey him and submit to him, he forced himself on her and told her to comply.
When Elissa was having problems in her marriage, she wasn't supposed to speak up, but instead was taught to be submissive to her husband and to do whatever he said. Even so, she repeatedly went to Warren Jeffs out of sheer desperation trying to gain release from the marriage (essentially a divorce), but it was like going up against a brick wall. He just told her she needed to talk to her husband and do whatever he told her to do.
Elissa had a close relationship with her biological mother. Wanting to be around Allen as little as possible, she would often escape to her mother's house and even go so far as to sleep in her truck at night, but she was found out and told to cut ties with her mother and return to her husband. She was told to give herself over to her husband/cousin "mind, body and soul" and told not to question him. She was trapped in a loveless marriage to a relative who raped her. She desperately wanted to escape the compound, but was worried about the fate of her birth mother and younger sisters if she left.
As time passed and she spent more time away from Allen, Elissa began to get small tastes of the outside world, secretly spending time with apostate family members as well as new people she met through work. She began to question certain elements of the religion, especially the under the influence of Warren Jeffs, but as some of her other family members had gradually left the cult, she was extremely nervous about the implications on her remaining family members if she were to do anything drastic. Their numbers were dwindling and she was only left with her mother and two younger sisters. She was worried not only about her future place in heaven, but also about the fates of her family members if she were to leave, as she had been berated and questioned herself after her other family members left the cult. She was primarily terrified that her younger sisters, aged ten and thirteen, would also be forced into underage marriages if she left. Her family was already viewed as being fairly rebellious because so many of them had tested their limits within the strict confines of what was expected.
Ultimately, she was left with an impossible conundrum: should she follow her heart and leave the compound and try to start a new life or put her family members ahead of her well-being and remain where she is and live a miserable life...
For someone who was indoctrinated from birth and subsequently brainwashed in her formative years, Elissa is astonishingly aware now of how ridiculous the FLDS beliefs sound to outsiders. She's also extremely empathetic towards those still practicing the religion while at the same time showing immense bravery and wanting justice to be served. Her story is told with bravery and compassion.
The timeline of this book ends in 2008. So many events have happened since then and there is still so much more to the story as it continues to evolve. What is evident is that Warren Jeffs is a true monster. For a supposed prophet who could do no wrong, he has led a despicable life and poisoned so many people's lives. A simple internet search brings up dozens of horrifying accounts of people who have left the compound, who have brought further alarming charges against him and maps showing just how much territory he covered and how far he spread his word. As alarming as Elissa's story is, unfortunately it's just one of many stories of emotional and psychological abuse of the followers of the FLDS. At least they're finally able to stand up and have their voices heard.
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