Thursday, December 27, 2018

Plainsong by Kent Haruf

I didn't see it coming, but I just fell in love with two men. They're brothers named Harold and Raymond. They're not my usual type, but they just convinced me that two single farmboys whose lives revolve around cattle rearing could literally melt my heart.

In the fictional town of Holt, Colorado, we follow the lives of the Guthrie family: father Tom (a high school teacher), his two young sons, Ike and Bobby, and a wife who lives in the shadows of her own despair. Victoria Roubideaux, young and pregnant, suddenly finds herself without a home and turns to her kind teacher, Maggie Jones, for help. And finally, Harold and Raymond McPheron, the two brothers whose routined life is upended in the most unexpected and touching way.

Holt is a simple town that's home to regular people with big hearts. The drama is not flashy, but simmers gently. The quiet backdrop of vast, flat plains allows the characters to shine in the foreground. It's a big-hearted story about life lessons, coming of age, and love in all of its many forms. I loved every minute of this book. It was just perfect in every way and proves that not every book needs to have super-sized plotlines or flashy characters to stand out. It's when things are quiet and pared back that we're able to reach through the noise of everyday life and hear people's heartbeats. 

As I visited Holt, I felt the dust caught in my throat, the thrill of peeking through windows, the hard realities of farming. The pull of doing what's right, of loneliness and warm bodies, of finding one's place of acceptance. Changing one's ways, putting others ahead of oneself, the importance of kindness.

This book felt as comforting and restorative as a warm bath and is best read under cozy blankets on a lazy day. Allow yourself to slow down, open your heart and prepare to fall in love.

A Separation by Katie Kitamura

I couldn't put this book down - unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons. I just wanted it to be done.

A Separation jumps straight into the plot without giving us any reason to know, and subsequently care about, any of the characters before thrusting them into disorder. Once I did get to know them, they were disappointingly unrelatable. The protagonist vacillated between not caring and then perhaps caring about whatever was unfolding in a wishy washy way, but since she never made her intentions clear, it made it impossible to get behind her. 

Dialogue was written and then analyzed. Scenes unfolded awkwardly and were then dissected. No threads were placed to create tension and interplay. The reader is never given the ability to read between the lines and draw our own conclusions. The theme of illusion predominates, which has potential to be alluring, but the author overexplains everything, stripping the story of any intrigue. 

I found most of the relationships grating and implausible. One relationship in particular involving the main character actually made me roll my eyes. Again, not enough background was provided to give any credibility. The entire book felt unconvincing and had the aura of a first draft. It had potential within the bones of the plotlines to become something better than the final version, but needed further development to make it all ring true. One of the most important parts of a book is feeling a connection to the characters. It's fine if they're atypical, but the reader still has to be given a reason to care about them, otherwise, the whole thing falls flat. Without a reason to care, it leaves no lasting impression.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

The Diving-Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby

Honestly, I can't believe what I just finished reading: an entire book dictated by one blinking eye, one letter at a time. Let that sink in for a moment.

The author, Jean-Dominique Bauby, was a successful editor-in-chief at Elle France when one day after work, on his way to pick up his son, he suffered a massive stroke. As he describes, in the past this would have meant certain death "but improved resuscitation techniques have now prolonged and refined the agony." He came out the other side of a multi-day coma paralyzed from head to toe, unable to move or speak. His left eyelid blinking was his only method of communication.

On the outside, he inhabited an incapable body. But inside, he was alive.

Rather than using a standard alphabet, a special board was created starting with the most frequently used letters in the French language, descending to the least used. Anyone who visited Jean-Dominique had to painstakingly make their way through each letter of the alphabet while he blinked in the affirmative and they transcribed what he was trying to convey.

This gruelling technique was what he used with an assistant, Claude, who helped get his thoughts from his head onto the page to create this book. He would memorize and rework passages throughout the night and have them ready to spell out when she visited him during the day. How he managed to get coherent, engaging, richly textured chapters that marked his life pre- and post-trauma is truly a remarkable feat. It's not just a series of facts. It's a book about the intricacies of life. It's a book about human enlightenment.

It's not simply due to the extravagant difficulty and unique voice that I'm awarding this book with so many stars. Jean-Dominique shows us the other side of paraplegia and disability. If we can learn to disregard the human outer shell, with patience and care, we can begin to comprehend what extremely insightful thoughts and dreams lie within a fully awake mind.

Jane, the Fox & Me by Fannie Britt

I don't know which is more beautiful: the story of Jane, the Fox & Me or the illustrations that accompany it. If I'd written such a touching story and then had the visual representation this book was given, it would be such a gift.

The story is about a young girl, Helene, who just can't seem to fit in at school. To get her mind off her troubles and divert attention from herself, she loses herself in Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte and draws parallels between herself and the title character. Will she be a tragic heroine or will everything fall into place...

The drawings are beautifully muted, mainly in shades of light grey, which perfectly matches the tone throughout. But now and again, when there is a small spark of hope or a shift to revelry or a pique of recognition, colour will overtake the page, creating perfect impact.

This is a quiet but powerful book that anyone who's ever felt like an outcast will appreciate. It provides comfort and hope and is as beautiful inside and out as the little girl at the heart of it.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel

Much is amiss at the fun home. The house, like everything within its walls, is a paradox. Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be. Reading this memoir is like untangling a gigantic knot. Everything's tied up tight to near-breaking point. Then we witness the family unraveling...

Alison Bechdel's father is compulsively restoring their crumbling mansion, covering up not only the old walls but his true identity. Her mother, fittingly, is a part-time actress. Her brothers are secondary; it's not really their story. The entire family appears to live alongside each other rather than truly with each other, but it's the riddle of Alison's father and their duplicitous relationship that's at the crux of the plot. 

Their only shared love - classic literature - provides a slight buffer for a tumultuous father/daughter relationship; however, the more parallels that are drawn between the books' characters, the more the familial duo appear to be mirroring the literature that means so much to each of them. They communicate in opposites but write in truth. 

Her father hides his true identity while Alison attempts to share hers. He lives somewhat vicariously through her, yet can't quite connect.

And then it's too late. 

This memoir perfectly reveals why it's impossible to live a contented, peaceful life when you're deceiving not only yourself but those around you. If only they'd stopped communicating in riddles/if only the patched-up house didn't represent the father's psyche/if only fate or destiny or whatever it is hadn't brought her father back to small-town life/if only a life and then an entire family hadn't been built on secrets and lies/if only they'd begun with the truth/if only/if only/if only...

But, oh, that final panel hit my heart.

Columbine by Dave Cullen

Columbine used to just be the name of a regular high school, but after April 20th, 1999, it became so much more. Since that fateful date, the name Columbine brings to mind horrific images. This book brings to life the backstories of all of those images. It dismantles an unbelievable number of myths, legends and corruption surrounding that infamous massacre.

Immediately after the event, there was rampant speculation about how two seemingly normal boys decided to one day walk into their school and shoot up their classmates. Was it violent video games? Hardcore music? Gangs? Bullying? Bad parenting? The answers took years to figure out, and they're all in here. Dave Cullen took ten years to write this book and it shows. I can easily state that this is one of the most thoroughly researched and well-written non-fiction books I've read. 

When I thought back to Columbine before reading this book, I pictured two high school kids in black trench coats creating mayhem one day. But the story goes back way further than just that day and it involves so much more than just the two shooters. It forever changed the lives of two thousand students, teachers and their families through fear, violence, death, injury, PTSD, suicide, survivor's guilt, involvement on the periphery of the crimes, deception, and corruption. It is definitely not the story of just one day. It was a year of planning for the shooters and over a decade of truth-seeking for the survivors. It was not a single-day event; it was - and continues to be - a saga.

Dave Cullen managed to sift through an Everest of documentation and not only distilled it all down to make sense, providing explanations for motives and describing the aftermath in detail but, equally importantly, he also showed us the complicated reactions of the people involved. Reading about them never made anyone feel like characters in a book, but real people with real feelings and emotions. He made a nonsensical event make sense. He somehow wrote about an overwhelming amount of information and number of people, yet it was never hard to remember who was who or what their specific relation to the story was. Though the subject matter was gory and unbelievable and very much felt like a movie because the terror of what happened is just unimaginable, the writing was never sensational; he stuck to the facts and let the story tell itself. 

In an interesting twist of timing, I just came across a copy of A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, written by Sue Klebold, the mother of one of the two killers. It was just published in 2016. It's noted throughout Columbine that the parents of both of the shooters kept an extremely low profile and rarely spoke out, so I'm eager to read her side of the tragedy. Because that's what this story really is: an unimaginable tragedy. After feeling so immersed in every aspect of it throughout this book, I wish peace for everyone involved in any way.

A Really Super Book About Squirrels by Graham Taylor

If you're looking for a serious book about squirrels, then stop right now. You're in the wrong place. If, however, you have had the following squirrel-related incidents happen to you - as I have - then this book is likely right up your alley:

- Driven over a squirrel's foot (accidentally!), had it stop, look you right in the eye and let out a tiny offended squirrel scream.
- Walked to work, had a squirrel run down a tree, straight up your leg and then run off like nothing unusual just happened.
- Opened your front door, walked to the kitchen to put something down only to see a squirrel sitting on a bookshelf like that's a perfectly good spot for a squirrel to hang out.
- Had that same squirrel suddenly mobilize, running around and over and under and on top of your computer desk, your kitchen table, your bookshelves, your chairs, eating your food, shitting on your belongings, eating a tunnel through your wall, biting straight through that patched up hole a day later, going outside and bragging to another random squirrel thus encouraging them to replicate this same routine him/herself a few days later.
- Tried to fall asleep and/or been woken up to the sound of scratching/squeaking/scampering in your ceiling as a squad of squirrels is partying it up without even pausing to consider covering their part of the rent.

A Really Super Book About Squirrels features a man who really tries to understand a squirrel that hangs out around his house. He asks it questions, tries to get to know its quirks, tries to befriend it, then (spoiler alert!) realizes that perhaps there are simply not enough common traits between humans and squirrels to form a solid friendship.

I'm going to be gifting this aptly-named book to some friends who will also deeply appreciate a quirky squirrel book. Because, in my opinion, quirky squirrel books are the best kind of squirrel books there are.

About Alice by Calvin Trillin

For a change, I picked up a biography of someone I'd never heard of. In this case, the late Alice Trillin. Her husband, Calvin, has been a writer for the New Yorker since the early sixties. I'd never heard of either of them, but he has a very lengthy list of published work in the first couple of pages which leads me to believe that I'm likely in a very small minority.

What I discovered about Alice after crawling out from my rock: Her husband, family, friends, acquaintances, and friends of acquaintances clearly adored her. She was radiated positivity and didn't let anything get her down. She had cancer, but didn't let that define her. She sounded feisty, funny, generous, smart, beautiful, opinionated yet humble. She's the kind of woman that every man would want to be with and every woman would want to be.

That was just her in a nutshell like the book itself. Reading About Alice felt like taking a small glimpse inside a beautiful little gift box, sneaking a peek at the effect a cherished woman had on those who knew her, touching the stories inside and then closing the lid on a celebrated life wrapped up into a special little book. And I personally think that being eulogized by a child as "the coolest girl I ever knew" is just about the best compliment one could receive.

The Golden State by Lydia Kiesling

The Golden State opens with Daphne, a semi-single mother, temporarily walking out of her solid 9-5 San Francisco University job (for now, at least) and escaping to her family's trailer located in a desert town in Altavista, California. She's semi-single because her husband, Engin, is tangled up in an immigration/green card/bureaucratic mess and is stuck in Turkey. Daphne's not exactly sure what she's escaping or why, but she feels a strong pull leading her away from her everyday life and a return towards her roots. Along for the ride is her sixteen-month-old daughter, Honey. 

The novel spans ten days that Daphne spends in Altavista. Not much happens in this small town and, like all small towns, there are characters with a capital C. Cindy is the far-right-leaning next-door neighbour whose political ambitions include being part of a group that wants Altavista to separate from California and become its own independent state.

Alice is an elderly lady who, like Daphne, is only a temporary member of this tiny community. Daphne and Alice bond at the local restaurant over Honey and the Turkish language and things between them develop from there.

With not much for Daphne to do, she spends her time mainly wandering around the town, sneaking drinks and cigarettes while Honey's napping, looking through her deceased parents' belongings and thinking about her husband. While this doesn't make for an earth-shattering plot or a sense of urgency, it definitely highlights the slow pace of small town life and the highs and lows of motherhood, especially wanting nothing more than a break when Honey's awake but showing the deepest of love when she's reflecting about her as she sleeps.

Alice and Daphne's lives become forever entangled in the last couple of days and this is where things really start to develop and become a little more unpredictable. 

The Golden State is a serene read. It's got sparks of quirky humour, especially where motherhood is concerned, and vivid descriptions. For a near-300-page book without a lot of twists and turns, but a whole lot of killing time and reflecting, it somehow manages to pull the reader along for the ride - and it was a ride I was happy to be on.

Putney by Sofka Zinovieff

Putney is a headfirst journey into right and wrong. It's a story of consent viewed from three angles: those of Ralph, a thirty-something family friend, Daphne, the object/child of his affection, and her best friend, Jane. Given the subject matter, it could definitely be a polarizing and/or triggering read, but I personally felt as though the subject was tackled respectfully with a lot of careful thought.

Daphne is a beautiful sprite of a child. Raised in a very loose, free flowing family, she and her older brother are basically given free reign and not many rules. It's the seventies and she lives in a very bohemian household. Her parents are always on the periphery. When they're at home, there's an open-door policy and lots of boozy dinners with their eccentric friends, but oftentimes, they're out for indefinite amounts of time and Daphne is mainly left to her own devices.

Ralph enters Daphne's life at an early age. He's a composer and develops a close working relationship with Daphne's novelist father, Edmund. From the moment he lays eyes on her (he around age thirty; she aged nine) he's mesmerized. She glides through life, carefree and loose and when she turns twelve, he seduces her. They continue and delve deeper into their secretive relationship for a few short years. While they're relationship is clearly inappropriate from an outside perspective, Ralph justifies it by claiming a uniquely special bond to only her, even though he also marries and has children with another friend of the family, Nina. Daphne believes she is in love with Ralph and blindly follows his lead.

Jane feels like she doesn't measure up. She constantly compares herself to her friend, Daphne, and comes up short in every respect. She feels to tall, too fat, too bookish in comparison to lithe, golden, exotic Daphne. Early on, she discovers the secret relationship going on between her friend and Ralph and on top of everything feels like a third wheel. She's jealous of the tiny presents he brings her friend and of the attention she receives from him. While she mainly resents Ralph, she also develops complicated feelings of jealousy towards him.

The story bounces around from the seventies to present day and alternates viewpoints by each of the three main characters. We see the story of Ralph and Daphne unfold, then we meet them again in the present day - Ralph in his seventies, dying of cancer, and Daphne and Jane in their early fifties. Time brings new perspectives, unfurls old discoveries and shines a spotlight on these complicated adult/child relationships.

There are a few twists and shocking revelations that definitely keep the plot interesting. Will Ralph get away with the rape of a minor? Does Daphne still hold affection in her heart for Ralph? How does Jane feel now that she and Daphne are adults with children of her own? Only time will tell...

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Expatriates by Janice Y.K. Lee

This book presented me with a book lover's dilemma: I didn't want to put it down, but I didn't want it to end.

<i>The Expatriates</i> encapsulates what it is to be adrift in a foreign land. It follows the separate but intertwined stories of Mercy, a recent Columbia grad, Margaret, a mother, and Hilary, who is desperate to become one. For various reasons, these American women and their families are all living in Hong Kong. In their new setting, each are doing their best to acclimate to their environment while navigating all-encompassing personal issues that arise after they've moved.

The character development was so well executed and the plot so rich, I feel that these three women could have been the protagonist of a book each in their own right. There's quite a melancholy tone throughout the novel (which isn't everyone's cup of tea, but one of my favourite fictional elements) however, ultimately it's tempered with a lot of hope. The women are experiencing pain and purpose unique to each of their situations. The setting being a foreign one only reinforces that feeling of not knowing quite what to expect, of trying to fit in and navigating not only a new way of life, but also their overwhelming emotions.

It's a testament to the author's writing style that even the secondary characters were just as intriguing and the pace of the book kept me on my toes throughout. There is an underlying fervor of just wanting to find out how these dilemmas will be resolved which helped propel the book along, never once feeling like any situation or sentence was out of place.

So how did I resolve my dilemma? Ultimately, I paced myself and savoured every nuanced word. But now a new dilemma presents itself: that of trying to find another book that pulls me in the way and keeps me guessing the way this one did...

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Have you ever gone through such a hard time in life where the only relief seems like a good deep sleep? <i>My Year of Rest and Relaxation</i> is about just that as we follow its narrator through her pursuit of an escape from the everyday world, attempting to sleep for an entire year. Purposely heavily medicated and sedated, she attempts to shut out the world through slumber, her only main outings being quick trips to the local bodega and appointments with a wacky yet obliging psychiatrist.

Orphaned in her early adulthood, the unnamed protagonist is able to take this time off while she lives on the inheritance left to her by her wealthy parents. After several phone calls trying to find a medical professional to help her sleep, she stumbles upon Dr. Tuttle, an incompetent quack who - lucky for her - hands out drugs like candy. She falls for the narrator's lies as she claims increasing insomnia and doles out higher doses and stronger treatments over the course of their monthly visits. As the narrator pops mind-blowing amounts of sleeping pills and tranquilizers, she slowly shuts off the world around her...

There are very few people in her life: the aforementioned psychiatrist, a dud of a sometimes-boyfriend Trevor, a peculiar artist Ping Xi, and Reva, her oldest friend. Dr. Tuttle is her lifeline and drug supplier. Trevor is hardly worth a mention, as he is such an insignificant character, perhaps only there to signify how little the narrator has in terms of meaningful relationships. Ping Xi is an important part of the story - an odd character, yet a lifesaver of sorts. Reva is a bit of an anomaly - the ditzy friend who swans in and out, whose friendship feels like it's well past the expiration date, yet both girls appear to need something from the other that no one else seems able to provide.

After experimenting with numerous drug combinations with varying success, things really ramp up when the narrator is prescribed a superstrength sleeping pill called Infermiterol. Once she starts taking this particular drug, giant chunks of time are spent in blackouts. She wakes up to discover that she's made strange phone calls, has left her apartment, and has eaten and shopped for things, not remembering a single moment of doing so. She takes drastic action in an attempt to remain able to take the drug, yet keep herself safe.

Reading this book with such a sleepy prominent theme almost made me feel as though I was falling into a trancelike state. As someone who could very easily not leave the house and loves hibernating as much as possible, it was easy to get sucked into the cozy parts: the movie marathons, the comfortable apartment, the enveloping sofa...everything fades into the periphery and it's as though the book emanates a soft glow of comfort and sleepiness.

<i>My Year of Rest and Relaxation</i> provided something unique. It was a book unlike any other I've read, yet it had all of the elements that make up my favourite novels: humor, originality, self-reflection and a good dose of quirkiness. It might not be for everyone, but I really enjoyed it.

But that's enough for now. I might only be imagining it, but I swear my couch is calling my name...

Sunday, October 7, 2018

My Struggle #6: The End by Karl Ove Knausgaard

I'm sitting here trying to contain myself now that My Struggle has come to The End. Where do you even begin with a series this extensive? Weighing in at over 1,150 pages and 3 lbs. (yes, I weighed it), we have Karl Ove Knausgaard in one corner; the rest of the world in the other. It's a title fight. A championship. I was in the front row and Karl Ove went the distance.

Unlike the other five books, this final book is so meta. In it, Karl Ove is contemplating life since and during publication of the other previous books in the series while also writing this current one, offering a unique perspective on his novels and where his life was taking him now that he was gaining celebrity status. It was otherworldly seeing the impact that his books had on his family, friends and self. While most of his family and friends expressed support of his previous novels, it was near impossible for them not to directly have some sort of impact on each of them, even when their names had been changed. Keen reporters would show up at their houses unannounced trying to get insider information. Journalists would break promises, saying one thing and delivering another. Most notably, one of Karl Ove's uncles was absolutely livid, claiming that events surrounding his brother's and mother's lives (Karl Ove's father's and grandmother's) had been horribly misrepresented and their names dragged through the mud for monetary gain. Most evident in this last book was the possible impact Karl Ove's books had on his current wife, Linda. The last couple of hundred pages led us through her suffering a major mental breakdown, however whether or not this was the direct result of being written about or if it was older symptoms recurring is not obvious, as mental illness is something she was diagnosed with years ago before she met and married the author.

Still present and pervading (as in all of the other books in this series) is Karl Ove's unflinching, deep, dark shame. It's palpable. The most seemingly innocuous things, such as driving above the speed limit, fill him with days of shame, so one can only imagine how his everyday interactions and close analysis of his life just overpower him with emotion. His is a person who feels deeply. Although his self-esteem is truly at base level, he was still incredibly brave to write in such detail about his life. As he says himself, in everyday life, no one ever knows the true us - our deepest thoughts and interactions are all buried within us and it's therefore impossible to ever really know another person one hundred percent. We say the things that placate and please others all the while running an internal dialogue that would dispel any version of our selves that others know. Even when we're not being especially nice, when we're fighting or in turmoil, no one ever hears our most harsh thoughts. What Karl Ove does is shows us exactly what he's thinking, so whenever he relays scenarios or conversations, we read his innermost rebuttals that beforehand were only in his head. In turn, those people that are closest to him - the people he's written about - read all of these true feelings, leaving Karl Ove exposed and vulnerable. This, of course, creates tension among certain people, but while this approach created some awkward schoolyard pickups, dinner dates and family meals, he holds steadfast to his decision to not wash over anything to spare his or others' feelings. It's all part of the formula that keeps the readers thoroughly engaged with his writing.

I can't review this book without mentioning the 400+ pages entitled The Name and the Number in which he analyzes: the importance of names, provides a detailed examination of poetry, characters in classics, God, death, night and nothingness and an in-depth review of Hitler's entire life, as he read Mein Kampf - (My Struggle - also the same name as his series). There is also a recurring interpretation throughout of I/we/they theories and how people belong to and are seen in the world. He notes that this section is what he started with when writing this book, but it just felt to me like the longest, never-ending detour. I was getting right into the original story - literally reading with a smile on my face throughout the first few hundred pages - as I plunged back into Karl Ove's life, so to have this gigantic non-fiction book placed within this other book just made no sense to me. I almost struggle to say something good about this section, because it comes so out of left field. Well...I certainly learned a lot about Hitler. My history knowledge is sadly lacking in many areas, so at least a learned quite a bit. Also, for someone who states that he's no good at understanding poetry, he certainly disproved that - the parts where he referenced poetry felt like an English professor's discourse in the art of deconstructing a poem; he distilled practically every word down to its most likely meaning, incorporating history, language and context. Kudos must also be given to the translator of this entire body of work - with so many turns of phrase, not to mention the sheer length of the novel, and to have it all ring true from start to finish, was a great feat.

Partway through this section, I started grasping at straws as to why this extensive essay-like information was included within this book. Does it go back to Karl Ove's interest in utopia? His own fearful father/son dynamic that's closely mirrored in that of Hitler and his own father? His parallel discomfort with women? Perhaps analysis of a same-named book? In any case, it was maddening to me, but I kept at it, anticipating getting through it and back to Karl Ove's family life in Malmo...

...which it did eventually. I am so happy I stuck through the whole thing and read this acclaimed series. Although outwardly simplistic in theory, it somehow becomes anything but. It's an ordinary yet compulsive look at a life lived so far to middle age. It's about family, friendship, coffee, feelings, love, self-analysis, loathing, book tours, shame, detritus, money, home, a brain, a body, a life. It's uniquely Karl Ove Knausgaard. A man who doesn't give a shit at all what any of us think about his books.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

The Line Becomes a River by Fransisco Cantu

Yesterday, I was reading an article that stated that most deported parents decline reunification with their children as they feel it's too unsafe in their homelands. As a mother, this is the kind of thing that makes my hear feel as though it's tearing in two. 

The Line Becomes a River by Fransisco Cantu is a firsthand look at a border patrol officer's role in this messed up game of cat and mouse. The book is divided into three parts: in the first, he's a freshly minted border patrol officer; in the second, he's moved out of the field and into an administrative position; in the third, he's tried to leave that life behind and works in a coffee shop within a market.

I didn't enjoy the first two parts as much as I'd anticipated - it somehow felt a bit removed, a bit impersonal...I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I wanted some more insight into Fransisco or the anecdotes felt too quick to read. I wanted to know more about the people crossing. I'm not quite sure. But the third section drew me right in. Without giving too much away, it's actually once he's out of the job altogether that it seems to affect his life the most. He becomes friends with an undocumented worker who works in the same market. They form a friendship and this is where we really get to experience both sides of what it means to cross a border - we see the perspective of the people who protect it and those who seek to cross it. We see how it tears families apart, how it's unforgiving, corrupted, malicious.

It's through this book that we see that the border as so much more than a line that demarcates two pieces of land. It represents division, a breaking apart of so much. It's enough to break a human heart in two.

Friday, September 7, 2018

I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer by Michelle McNamara

For someone who doesn't typically read a lot of mysteries or thrillers, I felt catapulted into a whole new realm when I started reading the true crime book I'll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara. It's one thing to know that a story is made up in the fictional world, but to have it top of mind that the absolute horrors inflicted by the man she dubbed The Golden State Killer actually happened to real people leading everyday, normal lives was a lot to initially take in.

For the first hundred or so pages, I was trying to decide if I should stick with the book. Not because it wasn't well written (far from that - and more on that in a moment) but because of my mounting paranoia. I would come home alone and think about how the GSK would scope out and prowl around houses before he committed his awful atrocities. I'd sit on the couch reading about how he would climb on house rooftops, as squirrels trampled back and forth across my own roof. He would scurry around in the pitch-black cover of night, the inhabitants none the wiser as their windows turned into mirrors showing their every move, I would read, as I sat in my own lit-from-within house with no curtains. One day, as I took a break from reading for a bit, I glanced at the cover and realized with a shiver that the house pictured on the front looked nearly identical to my own...

I'm so glad I set my paranoia aside and kept with this book, even though it was a chilling read. As I was doing the equivalent of peeking through my fingers while reading this book, the author, Michelle McNamara, had the opposite reflex while writing it. After a girl in her neighbourhood became the victim of an unsolved murder when Michelle was a young teenager, she developed a lifelong fascination with cold cases and it became her primary passion. She started a website, True Crime Diary, and her focus eventually turned to the Golden State Killer. She dedicated hours of her life, years in fact - all of her spare time spent poring over crime reports, combing through old evidence files, developing close ties with detectives, criminology specialists and fellow people on the internet who shared her same fascination with unsolved cases.

As I turned each page and the number of rapes climbed to an unfathomable number (fifty awful atrocities) and the GSK's violence progressed to multiple murders (ten violent, horrific ones), I couldn't help but feel perplexed as to how such an unhinged person could commit such a terrifying number of crimes and yet evade capture year after year. It became intensely frustrating for me as a reader, so I can't imagine how magnified that frustration would have been for the dozens of people who worked on the cases over the years. What stamina it would have taken to have investigated such epic numbers of leads without a satisfying culmination in arrest for all of that hard work. The GSK's first known crimes started in 1976 and went on for a dizzying ten years. He was so particular about the houses he would stake out and break into, he would have entry and exit points and floor plans figured out ahead of time. He would profile his chosen victims beforehand, learning not only the minutiae of their own daily habits but even those of their neighbours, so well that he created a near-foolproof campaign of terror. Yet his acts weren't perfect - he left behind footprints and small trails of evidence along the way - but he was stealthy, agile and exceedingly patient. His m.o. became gradually more bold, but he would somehow manage to avoid being caught, his scent trails disappearing as he'd escape at the last minute into vehicles. He was thisclose to capture and recognition on so many occasions, but every time, at the last minute, it was as though he had an invisibility potion. There were certainly quite a few near-misses and, when analyzed, his patterns of movement, his ski masks and attire, his weapons, his criminal methods were so similar, but this was one extremely deranged man who absolutely excelled at what he did.

Because of Michelle McNamara's uncommon ability to not only compile but relay these true stories with an interweaving of authority and heart, at no time does this chilling storytelling veer into salaciousness. She brought a human touch to her subjects, sharing small details that give us both context and background glimpses of the women, ensuring they are known as humans and not just mounting numbers in a senseless crime spree. The 300 or so pages she wrote are a juxtaposition of good and evil: they capture Michelle's intense, compassionate desire to help find justice and her subject's display of the opposite, as he reduced his female victims to objects he would gag, tie up, rape, and later on, bludgeon. Evidence of her unique journalistic style is most noted when, sadly, she passed away in 2016 when her book was only partially completed. Her lead researcher, Paul Haynes, and an acclaimed investigative journalist and friend, Bill Jensen, took over the overwhelming task of going through all of her notes and completing the book for her. The thirty pages written in their voice, while thorough and respectful, just doesn't match Michelle's warm style. They admit they even tried to replicate it in order to maintain the flow of the book, however quickly abandoned trying when they just couldn't quite duplicate her unique voice.

***

How equally frustrating yet joyful it is that just two months after this book came out, the Golden State Killer was finally captured through DNA technology that hadn't even been invented when the GSK started off on his mission of terror. Only frustrating because Michelle was so passionate about tracking him down (she was adamant that she didn't care if it was she who found him or anyone else - she just wanted him locked up and brought to justice) that I desperately wanted her to see this conclusion after all of her endless years of hard work. I happened to find out just before I began reading this book that the crime had been solved, so I was anxious to get to the end so I could read the media coverage and find out the identity behind the grizzly headlines. It was a perfect conclusion to a compelling, thoroughly well-written book and it's satisfyingly evident that all of Michelle's years of hard work were not for nothing.

I'm sure the after-effect of paranoia of reading this book will slowly fade, but until then, I'll definitely be locking my doors...

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Women Talking by Miriam Toews

"...there's no plot, we're only women talking" is how one of the central characters of Women Talking responds when questioned by the owner of the hayloft where she and seven other Mennonite women have gathered. Rest assured, there is an epic, unforgettable plot and the women are doing so much more than only talking. Major life decisions are at stake...

The women have had unimaginable horrors happen to them. They have figured out that they and many of their children have been drugged unconscious and raped by some of the men from their colony. These men (some of whom were relatives) have been temporarily exiled to a prison in a nearby city, the women left behind to quickly plot their next move while the other men in the town are busy gathering bail money to free the accused. The women have come up with three choices if they choose not to forgive their perpetrators upon their return, as decreed by the colony's shifty bishop. They have determined that they can do nothing, they can stay and fight, or they can leave.

So eight fiery women from the colony secretly gather in a hayloft and ask a local man they trust, August, a teacher who has been rebuked by the other men, to take minutes of their meetings, as they are all illiterate and want a record of their discussion. The women in this particular settlement have grown up under an extreme patriarchal system, serving their men, believing their men and blindly following the rules of their faith. This way of life is all they have ever known and they have never questioned it. It took this drastic, horrible fallout to make them start to find their voices, to question their beliefs and to formulate a plan. Every second counts, as there are massive life-changing decisions to be made, each path leading directly to a wildly unclear outcome that must be decided upon in just two short days. 

These women have been torn down, but in Miriam Toews' own magical way, she bestows them all with raw, relatable humanity tempered with feisty humour. They are equally tense and intense. The women are so new at voicing their own opinions that each one is almost overboard with enthusiasm and passion. They all want to have the last word, the last jab. They want to form a united plan, yet in doing so, they have to overcome differences in opinion and each one wants to be right. They must reign in their tension in order to benefit as a whole. One of the main sources of this overwhelming tension is the women's natural instincts to protect themselves and that of their faith (faith not only in their god but also in their men who have always told them what to do). Their discussion ricochets around the many different ways that religion and authority can be interpreted and distorted to best suit and work to their advantage.

The women are feisty, argumentative, loving and exasperated, but they're all trying to form a cohesive plan of action. There are so many angles, so many considerations, so many questions for these simple women who are not so simple after all. They are women talking, but there is so very much more to each one of them than words could ever express.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Essays in Love by Alain de Botton

This is a fictional story about two people who meet on a plane and fall in love. Their relationship is dissected throughout - how they fell in love, why they fell in love, their every move and thought process philosophized upon and analyzed. While we all like to think that our own love stories are unique, while how we initially met our partners varies from person to person, the stages of love are all familiar. So the question is, just how unique are we when we all recognize the same physiological and mental processes that take place when we fall in - and out of - love?

The structure of the novel made more sense when I read the afterword from the author. He was only twenty-one when he wrote this book. He said he'd always wanted to write a novel but was also a philosopher and he ended up combining his styles so that he could analyze a fictional couple. While I find he had a lot of insight at such a young age, I found the style both intriguing and annoying. But mostly annoying.

For the most part, I didn't connect very much with the characters and for the main character to have such dramatic reactions at times I found to be a little over-the-top, though I suspect this was done purposely to demonstrate how people are literally overtaken with love.

But what really killed it for me was that while, at the beginning, it was interesting to recognize some of my own reactions reflected in the early heady days of first love, it quickly got old and all of the philosophy and analysis took the fun away. What makes the very beginning of relationships so awesome is that you're not really thinking. You're not always making smart decisions or being rational because you're just so wrapped up in the other person and you're thinking with your heart instead of your head. The more I read, the less engaged I got and just felt like "who cares"...not a feeling you want to have about the main characters of a book.

So, although it was a unique format, it ultimately fell flat for me. I wasn't sad to reach the last page of this book.

Calypso by David Sedaris

What's the worst thing about every book that David Sedaris has ever written? That they all come to an end.

"Nooooooo…." I wailed to myself as I came to the last page. "Why???? Why do they all have to finish?" I just want to read his books forever and ever. They're just so relatable. And when they're not relatable, they're hilarious. And when they're not hilarious, they're thought-provoking. They make you think and ponder and want to be his friend. They make you double over with laughter one on page and make your heart beat harder with emotion on the next. Calypso? No exception.

Here were some of my thoughts while reading Calypso:

- Page 1: "Here we go! Remember: Read sloooowly. Savour this book."
- He fed what to a turtle?!!!
- I have my very own Calypso. He lives next door and his name is Mr. Stinkers and there is absolutely no way he likes you more than me.
- David sure knows how to put the fun in tragedy.
- Carol was completely endearing. When it comes to wild animals and our reactions to them, I am David; my husband is Hugh.
- I'm so glad I've heard David Sedaris' voice before because now whenever I read his books, it's his voice I hear reading them to me in my head.
- Fuck, I hope that never happens to me on a plane. Or anywhere else for that matter.
- Wow. He sure picks up a lot of garbage.
- I really want to be friends with David Sedaris. And not just so I could score an invite to the Sea Section.
- This book is one that lives up to its blurb: "This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke." I mean, who doesn't love a good tumor joke? You've already been told it's good...
- The last page: "You should have read that slower. Now it's over, you idiot." Immediately Googles: "David Sedaris next book", "When is David Sedaris' birthday", then just "David Sedaris" to see what Google would auto-fill for me after those two words. Then I Googled Hugh to see what he looked like.

What a perfect kick-off-to-summer book.
 

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

What To Do About the Solomons by Bethany Ball


Normally when confronted with a family tree gracing one of the first pages of a book, it freaks me the hell out, and makes me want to throw it into a far corner and hide. There's just such an implied expectation of concentration. Personally, I find having to keep track of characters to that extent isn't relaxing, which is my primary reason for reading in the first place.

Nevertheless, this book had been on my radar for a few months, so I decided to give it a shot and pretended to have never seen that daunting little diagram in the first place...

The Solomon family in this book spans three generations, all who live in different parts of the world: California, New York and a kibbutz in Israel. Thankfully, although related, this is a very diverse group of family members, and most have some variation of eccentricities that keep things interesting and the story moving along. They each have a great personal struggle that they're trying to overcome.

Although I generally read a book or two per week, this one unexpectedly took me longer than usual. I enjoyed the beginning (the California family intrigued me the most), then I sort of slowed down around the middle due to a busy couple of weeks and questioned if I was actually that invested in the storylines enough to continue on.

After a mental coin toss, I decided to forge on and the last half went quicker. It turns out, I just need to read at my usual pace to keep on top of what's happening and not lose the plot. The characters, although they have ended up spread out across the world, ended up reuniting at the kibbutz and their stories intertwined and wrapped up nice and neatly. I was glad I kept at it.

It turns out that little family tree diagram was pretty helpful after all and, hopefully like any good family, was not as daunting at it initially appeared. It helped to serve as a reminder when I came back to the book after putting it down for a day or two. In the end, I'm glad this one got rescued from a potential random dark corner.

Thursday, May 31, 2018

The Two-Family House by Lynda Cohen Loigman

For someone whose stomach bunches into knots when someone asks me to keep a secret and who can't tell a lie, books that have secrets and lies as their primary plot focus always draw me in. It must be the opposites attract theory. 

The two families in the house are the curmudgeonly Mort, his increasingly distant wife, Rose, and their three daughters who live on the ground floor. Mort's older brother, easygoing Abe, and his loving wife, Helen, and their four boys all live on the top floor of the house. Mort and Abe, though opposite in personality, work together at a cardboard box-manufacturing company that they inherited from their father. Rose and Helen are housewives and best friends, so supportive of each other and their lives are so entwined, their living arrangement at first seems ideal. They're constantly in and out of each other's apartments and they share a very special bond. They even find themselves pregnant at the same time and while we, the readers, are privy to all of the secrets that hang in the air, there's enough drama as the story unfolds to keep it fresh and interesting. Rather than waiting to discover the secrets ourselves, we're waiting for the characters to find them out. 

The book is easily readable and well-paced, as each chapter is only two or three pages long. The chapters are mainly told from the alternating perspectives of Mort, Rose, Abe and Helen, but there are also some sprinkled in from Judith (Mort and Rose's eldest daughter) and Natalie (the youngest girl) that provide different contexts and engaging insights that add further dimension to both the characters and storyline. 

The characters are richly developed and watching them grow and evolve over the course of the twenty-three years this novel covers was intriguing. The author has a superb grip on character development and both the bigger and more subtle ways they transform are paced perfectly, making near-unbelievable circumstances seem entirely believable. The thought processes, reactions, responses and unique personality traits of each family member remained true to character at all times which only increased my empathy for them.

This novel covers the enormous range of drama all families have to deal with: everyday chaos and quiet moments, love and loss, complex family dynamics, secrets and lies and, perhaps most importantly of all, forgiveness. While I still can't fathom keeping such major life-altering secrets myself, it definitely made for a really compelling read. Highly recommend.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Gang Leader for a Day by Sudhir Venkatesh

For those of us who have never lived in them, we all have our own idea of what inner-city projects are like. We also hold personal theories as to why their residents landed there in the first place and why they can't - or don't - choose to leave. There are so many factors piled on top of one another that create such a result: economic class, race, luck, mental health, personal circumstances, physical health, gang relations, and family ties are just a few of them.

Gang Leader for a Day focuses on the Robert Taylor Projects at the very tail end of the 1980s and throughout the 1990s. Located on the South Side of Chicago, Robert Taylor was an absolutely massive housing complex. It was initially built for about 11,000 residents; however, with multiple members living in each apartment, as well as squatters, stairwell-dwellers, and all manner of illegal and unofficial tenants, the number of people who actually resided there was enormous and pushed these high-rises beyond their capacity for reliable, safe accommodation. The tenants and visitors within these buildings were as diverse as their circumstances. They were rival gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, young children, volunteers, tenant patrols, cops (both good and crooked), and sweet grandmas.

One person who stood out among all of the rest was Sudhir Venkatesh. Although he didn't live at Robert Taylor, he spent time there on a near-daily basis for almost a decade. A sociology student at the University of Chicago, he noted that as a new student, at every orientation he attended the students were told not to go alone beyond certain perimeters of the university that weren't patrolled by the university police as they were deemed unsafe. Sudhir's curiosity only increased as he familiarized himself with the city, and he soon felt compelled to explore these "unsafe" areas to see what he could find out firsthand. He was particularly interested in studying the poor black areas around the university, so he took this on as the basis of his academic research. Rather than asking survey questions and then breaking down the data using quantitative and statistical techniques safely behind a desk, he immersed himself in this alternate life instead using another method called "ethnography", or the studying of life by direct observation.

After a bit of an uncertain and shaky start, one of the first people he met and quickly ended up befriending was J.T., the leader of one of the most prominent gangs in Chicago at the time. This unlikely friendship and the book that resulted from it provides us with a real insider's viewpoint of life in the projects that's utterly fascinating. Okay, let's back it up for a second, though, and preface the need for any personal stances to be taken with a grain of salt. To clarify, I would say that the wide angle view (the general observation) of life in the projects was a reality check for me, as life within these dark, imposing building comprised much more depth than the stereotypes that initially came to mind, though the close-ups (the viewpoints and stories told by the residents and visitors) were often self-serving and not necessarily 100% believable, depending on the context and the storyteller. Remember here that Sudhir was the one on the receiving end of these stories, and oftentimes the narrators were involved in illegal activities or sometimes his interest was simply pumping up their egos, so the truth would often lie somewhere a few notches below the bravado. The juxtaposition between Sudhir, a middle-class privileged university student of Southeast Asian descent, and J.T., a lifer of the projects who was working his way higher through the ranks within his already powerful gang was captivating. J.T. was street-smart, caring, tough, egotistical, helpful, and community-minded. Sudhir was naive (stupendously so at times), mild-mannered, personable, and adaptable.

For me personally, one of the most surprising and revealing aspects was the comportment of the gang members, the tenant patrols and the police and the independent hierarchical structure that formed out of sheer need. The gang members weren't just focused on drug sales and weapons and drive-bys. While the source of their cash wasn't generally above board, there were some extremely altruistic members that really did give a lot back to their community - especially to the children - perhaps not via the usual routes; however, when you realize just how marginalized they've been by the government, the wider community and the housing authorities, no one is looking out for them but themselves. They become bargainers, mediators, and leaders within their home base. What else can you do when services such as ambulances simply don't show up when you call them from a certain part of town? What other choices do you have when housing authorities don't have the means to help everyone who needs it? These dire circumstances force all sorts strategies that the gang members, tenant patrols and cops utilized to cobble together their own solutions to the unique challenges of life in the projects. On the flip side was one of the tenant patrols, Ms. Bailey, whose job was generally focused on making sure the elderly tenants were doing okay. She also liaised with the Chicago Housing Authority, but she ended up taking bribes and giving preference to certain tenants over others to both feed her ego and play off both sides of her go-between position. The police were another story altogether. Sudhir couldn't figure out why the residents wouldn't just call the cops when crimes such as brutal assaults took place. There was one reliable, kind cop who was a former resident of the Robert Taylor projects who was often called to mediate, as he had a unique understanding of life there and therefore held respect, but others who viewed the residents with disdain and hatred and were so obviously racist and corrupt, it was soon obvious why they were never called to come in and sort out emergency situations.

The longer Sudhir spent integrating himself into everyday life at Robert Taylor, his focus and loyalties began to morph and spread and his naiveté started to get him tangled up. This came in a few forms: from the beginning, J.T. was under the somewhat misleading impression that Sudhir was there to write a biography about him. Furthermore, although his professors were aware of his research undertaking, Sudhir didn't disclose to them just how far he'd incorporated himself into the gang members' everyday life. Through sheer innocent ignorance, at one point he was seen as being both on the gang's side from the cops' perspective and the cops' side from the gang's perspective. This prompted some of the tenants that had always been open with him to begin to feel distrustful. He learned it was impossible to play both sides and keep everyone on an even keel. But because he'd immersed himself so deeply within the complex and its residents, he found it hard to step away and keep everyone happy and ensure his safety.

After many years, eventually his research came to a close, as did this book. If there's one thing you probably wouldn't expect from a book about life in one of the poorest, most ignored projects in Chicago, it's a fairy tale ending, though you never know...I won't ruin anything here by letting you find that out for yourself. Regardless, the level of commitment Sudhir took on with his research and the openness of these particular projects residents leaves us with an absolutely unique, intimate view of a way of life many of us, thankfully, don't have to contend with. We can be nothing but richer in understanding and more compassionate of one another as human beings if we take our blinders off, throw our preconceptions aside and truly find out how others live.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Nasty Galaxy by Sophia Amoruso

This is a gorgeous coffee table book for lovers of vintage, the Nasty Gal brand, and the woman who founded it, girlboss Sophia Amoruso, or as she calls it "a deep dive into my brain and my home." And holygoodnessofgreathomes, what an amazing home it is. The fact that her bedroom was inspired by a pair of vintage suede shorts...ah! What I would give to see her closet that was once an entire bedroom in person...

Nasty Galaxy has got a tongue-in-cheek, flirty fun edginess. Each section is inspired by a particular album and contains profiles of women with unique personal style in the fields of art, music, fashion and movies. These are the kind of cool girls who other girls want to be. That is, until I came upon an awesome quote by Exene Cervenka proclaiming: "I would not want anyone to try to look like me. My whole point is that I look like myself and you should look like yourself. That's my whole goal in life: to be a freethinker and to help people learn that skill, which we all have innately inside of us. You can only be you. You can't really be someone else." Yes! As someone who's constantly trying to feel comfortable in my own skin, this is perfection. 

Profiles of various girlbosses offer insight and advice to entrepreneurs from innovative females in their fields, wacky how-to's (often involving TMI and quirky diagrams) and an author who's equally skilled at showcasing her brand, championing fellow feminists, and showcasing her insecurities and inner thoughts all combine to make this a fun book to stare at for a few hours. 

It's a little disheartening to have to point out that the same year this book was brought to life by such a famous trailblazer, Sophia Amoruso's company, Nasty Gal, filed for bankruptcy. This can't help but bring into question some of the narrative and the happy-go-lucky veneer, but if you take the book itself at face value, it's still filled to the brim with great advice, lush editorial pictures and drool-worthy vintage style inspiration.

You'll just need to find a coffee table with as much aesthetic appeal as the book on which to display it and you'll be right up there killing it.